Past

I closed my eyes and went back in time, images in my head manifested to reality experienced. Living in the past is possible, but only when we think of it. I saw what I was that made me what I am, and I thanked my younger self for never giving up, never losing myself to anything, staying strong and honest despite the obstacles on my path. I know I made mistakes, those became my most cherished lessons. My journey is always me heading forward but without the strength of knowing my past and revisiting it, I wouldn't be able to have a complete perfect moment, right now.

Insightful

Life is writing itself, every moment I observe and absorb impressions.
This book is as intriguing as the next picture drawn by words that are born of wisdom that comes from experience. 

You sold your soul

And the devil walked into your life through an open door
You welcomed him, like you welcome everybody.
He smiled, nodded with his head, asked if you could give him a moment of your time and also a glass of hot water.
You invited him to stay and said there's also room in your heart, after a long time it has been vacant, you said emotions are overrated.
He said he's got an offer to make, he's been watching you, saw your struggles, your weaknesses, he thought you might be interested.
He explained to you that you are nothing but an empty shell, he liked it, and added that you deserve to enjoy your life, more than the usual.
You agreed to hear him out, and then later decide what suits you accordingly, you knew it was only you that mattered, you were focused, and it turned out to be a short discussion.
The devil put the agreement in writing, used for that purpose a quill pen, the ink was fresh and flashing brightly with red color.
You read the scroll from top to bottom, you asked what if something will change down the road, he said no ifs and no buts, it's a non negotiable agreement, you'll have to live with the circumstances.
You did not take the time to think, you thought that devil was a nice person to even give you attention. You signed your soul away, and in exchange, he gave you a role in a big show of self fulfilment.
You gave up on your values, those you talked so much about with a sparkle in your eyes, you became a willing slave to every moment that gave you instant gratification.
The devil then disappeared back into the void, he got what he wanted, leaving you with a brand new meaning to life, some certainty and pride, soon after that you started to smell of alienation.
You erected around you a tall wall of lies and stories that sound pretty. You protect your new life style, insisting it's something that was meant to be, making your confusion into the new reality.
The devil is long gone, and so are your chances. You don't need to be a bad person to go down a dark path, just play as a soulless man in a phony show, stubbornly insists that shallow waters are deeper than the ocean.

I know nothing

I know nothing.
It's been part of my life since I was born, there was nothing I could do about that situation, and since I could, indeed I did nothing. I still do nothing, old habit.
I was asked, more than once by concerned souls, what was wrong with me to which I replied: "Nothing was wrong" and I felt bad about it because, how can nothing be wrong, or right, since when non existence has any moral values.
I know nothing.
Nothing exists in a vacuum. In case anyone was wondering about it. You can find nothing minding its own business inside a vacuum, so if you use a vacuum cleaner you might find nothing, and it's going to be clean.
I know nothing.
I've been told by self respecting individuals that I mean nothing to them. No harm no fowl. Actually, they said nothing meaningful, and if it has meaning, it's already something, so maybe I did mean a bit to them after all.
I know nothing.
But I also know something, and these two shall never meet, just like matter and anti matter should never meet as they will annihilate everything around them.
I know nothing.
I know that right now nothing happens, and that we cannot predict what happens next, but right now we got nothing, and it's quite the achievement, as how can you have something that's it's not?

חייבת לדעת

 חייבת לדעת
האם עיניי רואות נכוחה, האם האור המשתקף מאגל טל בכלל קיים
אני חייבת לדעת
האם אוזניי שומעות תכונה, האם קלטתי את קול שיברם של גלי הים
אני חייבת לדעת
האם מילותיי יוצאות מפי כהלכה, האם רעיונותיי אכן מעצבים עולם
אני חייבת לדעת
האם זה גופי הפועל כמכונה, האם העץ המתנועע ברוח יודע שהוא מושלם
אני חייבת לדעת
כי כשאני פוקחת את עיניי, המציאות שהכרתי אתמול הפכה למנוכרת
אוזניי קולטות מילים, משמעותן בהינף לשון הפכה לאחרת
ידיי נוגעות באויר, מגששות אחר האמת, היתה יפה, כעת היא מעורערת
זה רק דמיון, הכל שם מתרחש, זאת אשליה, זה רק משחק, כך לעצמי אני אומרת
אני אתעורר מחר והזריחה תשכיח ממני את דמותך כפי שבראשי הייתי מציירת
מהבלבול אצא בכוחותיי, חוסר הודאות ישאר מאחוריי, אצעד עד אין-קץ על הדרך המוארת
לא ארצה ממך עוד דבר
לא אוסיף למה שנאמר
אחכה עד שאדע
מה טיבה של זו האגדה
ואיך היא למציאות היא מתחברת

יפה לי האפור

בחוץ ענני חורף, האביב מסתתר מהגשם בפינה, מחכה הוא עד יעבור זעם, עד תצא השמש ממחבואה
 ברגעי שקט של אור מצומצם, אמת קיומי עומדת חשופה, קודרת, מהרהרת אני האם זה צל שנפל, או  שמא איבדתי עוד שכבה של  סבלנות, מחכה לצעד הבא
אפור הוא מקום באמצע, בין מה כן ומה לא ראוי לעשות, ואתה עד לאופל  הרחקת, לובן כנפיים שייך למלאכים, ואתה כבר לא, זאת עוד אשליה שנחשפה
המציאות היא האמת היחידה, השמש קיימת, גם אם לא רואים אותה. ענני חורף באמצע אביב מכסים שמיים, מרחיקים מאופק ומגיעים עד קצה ההבנה
אגדות נכתבות בחושך, מתחת למעטה של חיוכים, נתפר עוד סיפור חדש. הכל שם רוקם עור וגידים, הכל שמח, זה אך ורק רצון שמביע עצמו, זה מימוש עצמי, זאת לא הגשמה
בחוץ ענני חורף, אצלי יש שמש מאירה, מסבירה, והחורף, הוא רק זמני, זה רק גשם שיורד באביב מבולבל

Coming from the pain

When I feel like my heart is broken, but it's not, it holds sadness of disappointment waiting to be released,
When I feel betrayed by self claiming truth seekers, and it turns out, it was no accidental confusion, lies were masquerading again,
When I feel that I'm strong, that I can withstand winds of uncertainty, and it's just yesterday all over again,
When I feel impatient, and it's not time tricking me, these are lessons already learned, knocking on my door again,
When I feel that I know where I'm heading next, but all the roads covered in impenetrable heavy mysterious mist,
When I feel that I'm being demanding, searching for answers to replace fears and wild guesses, but get excuses instead,
When I feel the pain of relating my existence to the whole world, but find myself alone again, scraping self confidence from walls protecting my core,
When I feel...
I know where I'm coming from, I know that pain, I hold it, I let it stay for awhile, and then I let it go with a sigh of relief, making room in my soul for another long moment of hope, it's strength that comes from realizing self, it's every positive thing I am making my life to be, after all

new moment

Breathe in a new moment.
Breathe out what stops you from enjoying that moment.
Repeat till there's nothing but serene acceptance.

ערב

דמדומי ערב, מראות של יום שנסגר אט אט. אנשים חזרו אל משפחתם עסוקים בדלת אמות בית, ציפורים נאספו כבר אל קינם ופרחים שאיבדו את השמש מתכוננים ללכת לישון. אור נמלט מפנה מקום לשקט יחסי המכסה את הארץ.
היום נאסף אל עצמו, מקפל את מסך המעשים והמחשבות שלי, מכין אותי לרגעים שלווים עם נשימות משחררות. כותבת את עצמי מתוך אהבה למשמעות שמצאתי, מביטה אל אור נעלם לאיטו, רגע ארוך של שקט, נאלמת, מתפעמת, לפני שמתמסרת לעולם אחר, הוא עולם החלומות

Attached

Truth, it is tethered to my heart pulling me down to places I don't want to see when I look at you.
Words, they don't mean anything without the truth tethered to reality and to my exploring yet demanding mind.
I built a castle of imaginary scenarios to keep the queen of forgiveness happy and free to roam the realm of evolving souls.
The moment is endless as I silently observe the horizon, truth is sailing away, tethered to words that were said but had no weight to pull me back up from places I don't want to think about.
I return to that castle, I sit on that throne, I forgive myself for feeling disappointed as I invite into my heart truth seeking thoughts.